Two Parts of a Whole
by CIAChick
Summary: WARNING: Spoilers for the end of season 5. Don't read if you don't want to know.


Lorelai knew she had been lazy in keeping track of the days since she got back together with Luke. She was content to let time roll by, the hours unaccounted for, as she spent the mornings curled up in bed with him, evenings out or on the couch with him.

It hit her one of those evenings, when she was snug in his arms on the couch, her eyelids heavy as Charlie Rose droned on in the background. "Lorelai?" He said softly, his voice in her ear waking her gently. "Next week is your birthday. How should we celebrate?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She didn't think she had ever forgotten her birthday. There were times when Rory was still a toddler and they were living in the potting shed, when she would have rather forgotten. "Next week? As in..."

"A week from today." Luke chuckled. "I'm surprised you hadn't mentioned it sooner."

"Oh. I'll—I'll think of something." She faltered and she didn't have to look at him to know the surprised look that would pass across his face. That she hadn't been planning it for weeks, that there wasn't some big party in the town square just for her, something he would complain about but put up with just for her.

"Are you okay?" His face creased with concern.

"Yeah, yeah." Lorelai rubbed his arm and faked a yawn. "Just tired."

"Let's go upstairs."

Once she was tucked in bed, however, her toes warm against Luke's legs, Lorelai's eyelids weren't so quick to close. She snuck glances at Luke as she crawled out of bed, making sure he was asleep. She sat at the top of the stairs with her planner. Lorelai soon discovered that for all its usefulness, she barely used her planner. She hadn't marked anything down since January. A thin line was drawn under January 14th. And today was April…what? The 19th. Shit._ It's just five days, that's nothing. Right. Wait. Calmly. _

When Luke awoke at his usual hour, Lorelai barely stirred, having layed awake until nearly 4 a.m.

**Six days**

She couldn't believe she didn't keep ibuprofen in her office at the inn. Sookie had run out and Michel's whining wasn't helping the throbbing behind her left temple.

"Lorelai, how are you?"

"Fine, Taylor. Busy." Taylor had been on her mental hit list ever since the ribbon fiasco and she didn't need his prying today.

"Not feeling well?"

"Not very."

"I thought you would be in good spirits with Luke's recent purchase."

"Oh really?" Lorelai tried to hide the fact that she had no clue what Taylor was talking about.

"Yeah, with the house." Taylor said leadingly. "I assume he's told you."

"Oh, yeah, that. He told me." Lorelai said through a fake smile. "Thrilled." She took the bottle of pills from Taylor and marched next door.

"What is this about a house?" She hissed to Luke as he carried plates to a table. She didn't wait for a response, but marched upstairs. Luke wiped his hands and followed her.

"Where the hell did you hear that?" Luke snapped, closing the door behind him.

"Don't pretend you're mad at _me_. And Taylor blabbed." Lorelai seethed. "What the hell are you doing buying houses, Luke? I mean, it's fine if you want to move in, just ask, but don't go and buy a damn house. I have a perfectly good one not three blocks from here."

"Lorelai, wait, it's not what--"

"Oh, it's exactly what I think!" Lorelai's face softened at Luke's look. "Isn't it?"

"No, it's not. At least, I don't think so."

"Talk. Now." Lorelai chided herself for being so impatient with Luke. _He'll know_, she worried.

"I bought it because—it's not for us. I've just always loved that house and thought maybe, that in the future, it might be smart to have some more income. And real estate's good for that." Luke explained with a shrug.

"Oh." She felt silly.

"But you were right about one thing."

Her heart flipped. "What's that?"

Luke eyed her, his expression shy. "I would like to move in. I mean, if you don't mind. We've only been back together--"

"Luke," Lorelai sighed. "I would love that."

"Really? It's not too much too soon?"

_It might be good preparation_, she thought.

"No, it's good. Promise." She smiled, collapsing into his hug. She kissed him along his jawline, thankful that he wasn't going anywhere; that they were on the same page.

Lorelai paused at the doorway. "Luke? You know I've never lived with a man before, right?"

"I know." He nodded. "And it's an honor."

**Seven days **

The minute it was noon, Lorelai couldn't wait anymore. She had been full of nervous energy all week and hadn't gotten much sleep. She had been too busy calculating expenses for the next eighteen years. Then she would roll over and study Luke's face, so peaceful and unaware of what she was going through. Worst of all, she had been lying to him, saying she had been running late this week and that's why she hadn't stopped by the diner for her usual coffee(s). Then she'd snapped at Rory on the phone when her daughter had been inquiring about her birthday plans. _Some birthday present_, Lorelai thought as she drove to Woodbury on her lunch break and perused the drug store shelves. She swore when she'd had Rory there had been maybe two choices, now there were at least twenty.

She checked the parking lot before she snuck in the inn's back entrance with her purchase (two tests, just in case) and closed herself up in her office. She thanked her stars for having the sense to install her own adjacent bathroom.

She really wanted to call Sookie in from the kitchen to double check, but she steeled her resolve and looked again. It was pink. Or blue. Whatever the hell color it was supposed to be for it to be positive. She couldn't tell. The color seemed to drain from her world, as well as her face. Lorelai picked up the box to make sure she was reading the directions correctly but her hands shook and the words jumped, then blurred as tears streaked down her cheeks. She crumpled the box, covering them with paper towels and returned to her office, sinking down into her chair and picked up the phone.

"Hey, it's me," she breathed.

"Hey," he greeted her warmly. "I was just thinking about you." Just hearing his voice over the line made Lorelai's breath hitch, that familiar constriction in her chest. They were doing so well. And now…

"Really?" Lorelai swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Yeah. Next week, I thought maybe I could bring some stuff over."

"For what?"

"Haha." Luke laughed. "To move in the house, Lorelai."

"Oh. Right. Of course." Lorelai mentally berated herself for already forgetting. She didn't think short term memory loss was a symptom of pregnancy, maybe just psychosis and Lorelai freakouts. "Uhhh when? I mean, do you know what day?" _Because I'll have to make a doctor's appointment as soon as I can. _

"Whenever I get a chance. You don't have to be there. I know where the spare key is."

"Under the baby—uh, the turtle." _Hold it together_, _Gilmore,_ she thought.

"Right." Luke said slowly.

"You should just take it. The key. You'll need one and I haven't had time to get a copy made. So yeah, take it."

"Lorelai? Are you okay?" Lorelai bit her lip, trying not to cry out at the concern in Luke's voice. She hadn't realized how badly she needed that right now.

"Fine. Just busy. You know."

"You sound funny," he insisted.

"Huh. Must be the reception. You on your cell?"

"I'm in my apartment." Luke sighed. "You're not having second thoughts, are you? Because I can wait. We don't have to rush things if you're not ready."

"No, it's not rushing. I'm ready. I—Luke? Is the diner busy?" She realized how badly she needed to see him.

"Caesar's handling it. Why?"

"Can I come over?"

"Uh, sure. Is this about--"

"I can't say right now." _Oh_, she realized, distracted. "Oh no, it's not about you moving in. I just—I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Okay." Luke replied, thoroughly confused.

Lorelai parked outside the diner and walked around to the alley to use the back entrance. Luke looked up as she entered and breathed a sigh of relief. "I was worried about you. You didn't sound--" As Lorelai approached, he could make out her red-rimmed

eyes. "Lorelai, what's going on?"

"I need to tell you something." She exhaled, her hands shaking.

"So you said on the phone. What happened?"

Lorelai could barely look at him. Luke persisted, catching her arm. "Hey, you have to tell me what the matter is."

"I'll—I'll try," she breathed shakily as she sunk down onto the couch. He squeezed her hand. It was cold. "Luke, I—I'm—I think—what do you think about kids? Cause I remember we had that conversation once. I mean, not when we were together, but at the dance marathon, do you remember? And you said maybe…but then with Jess, you said you hate jam hands and I don't want to force you into having kids with jam hands--"

"Lorelai, would you shut the hell up for one minute? You're scaring me. What are you talking about? What's wrong with you?" The realization hit Luke. "Oh."

"I think I'm pregnant," she breathed.

Lorelai kept talking but Luke couldn't hear her. They hadn't been back together that long and although he had no qualms about marrying Lorelai and even having a family with her, he certainly hadn't expected it to be now. "Luke, what do we do?"

"What?"

"What do we _do_? I mean, do you even—are you okay with this?"

"I don't know. It's so sudden and--"

"I know. It's fast, isn't it? Too fast."

"But if you're—I mean, okay." Luke was trying to so hard to forget the way it had felt to hear Jess tell him to butt out of his life. How badly it would hurt and how it would prick at his heart if his own child ever looked at him that way. At the same time, he had imagined his own kids, on the rare occasion he thought about having them, would be different. Especially if they were Lorelai's too.

"Okay?" Lorelai looked horrified. "You hate kids."

Luke realized that she had probably gleaned that impression from his rants about Jess and sighed. "No, I don't. Granted, it's hard for me to imagine having one but I think we could do it."

Lorelai smiled weakly. "We could."

Luke noticed the look on her face. "But?" He caught on. "Oh. That's why you were so upset."

"No, Luke. It's just that well, Rory. I just finished raising a kid. I'd like a break to enjoy my life." She saw him shift his jaw and stare at the pair of socks under her coffee table. _Her_ socks, she realized.

"Sometimes Lorelai, life just isn't about you! That's all you've thought about since you've known, haven't you? Well, what about _me_?" Luke was hurt that he wasn't part of the equation. Hadn't they just talked about all this? They had finally transformed into "we" and now they were back: Luke and Lorelai, completely individual.

"I thought about you. I told you, didn't I?" She insisted.

"You don't seem very receptive to the idea!"

There they were again, arguing like they had perfected over the past eight years. Hiding their feelings in angry, silly words that they would regret two seconds after they said them.

"Luke, what did I just say? It's hard having a kid! I don't want--"

"A family with me? No, I guess you already have that. I'm just the missing piece, the guy."

"Luke…" Lorelai looked hurt.

"Yet at sixteen you had no thoughts about not keeping Rory. _Now_ you do."

_Ouch._ Lorelai clenched her fists and bit back. "Would you stop freaking out? I haven't even—I'm not 100 percent sure I am yet! I just took a…." Lorelai dropped her voice, suddenly aware there were customers downstairs. _Spies_, she thought. "A test, Luke, they can be wrong. But it's--you know what? Never mind."

Lorelai rose and fled downstairs. By the time Luke had calmed down enough to call, the answering machine picked up. "I'm tired. The phone is far. Leave a message." _Damn it, Lorelai_, he thought, slamming the phone back down.

Luke knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so he walked to Lorelai's. The front door was unlocked. "Lorelai?" He called, knocking softly. The lights were on upstairs and Luke called to her again. He heard a splash of water but no response. He knocked on the door of the bathroom. "Can I come in? Please?"

"Okay." He heard her sigh. Lorelai's hair was pulled back off her neck as she sank lower into the bubble filled bathtub.

Luke put the toilet cover down and sat. He looked down at his hands as he spoke. "When did you know?"

Lorelai didn't say anything for a minute. "When you asked what I wanted to do for my birthday," she admitted. "I guess I hadn't paid much attention to the calendar since we got back together."

"Oh, Lorelai," he breathed. "And the test?"

She let out a dry laugh. "I drove to Woodbury just to get one. And then the strip was pink or blue or whatever the hell it was supposed to be and I couldn't stop crying. I should be happy."

Luke didn't know what to say. "I don't think the circumstances are ideal, but you don't have to doubt me."

"You want to have a family with me."

"But you don't want one with me."

"Oh, Luke, no." She reached out to him and he knelt by the tub. "I want to have some time, you know? Some time for _us_. Do you get that?"

"I do. And I want that with you. I just—you may not have much of a choice."

Lorelai sighed, but leaned back and looked at him with a smile. "When did you become so sensible?"

Luke didn't respond, instead another thought crossed his mind. "Are you going to the doctor?" Lorelai nodded. "When? I'll go with you."

"Luke, I appreciate the offer, but I can go by myself. Really."

He shook his head. "My dad always told me that you don't let your wife go to the doctor alone."

"What about your girlfriend?"

"This involves both of us, Lorelai. I'm not going to let you go alone. You already had to do that once." He replied firmly.

Lorelai swallowed, suddenly overcome with all the feelings and emotions for the man who is sitting beside her, careful that she's not doing this on her own, insisting that he's there for her, like he always has been.

"Okay," she nodded. "Thank you, Luke. Just…thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled and reached out to brush back a piece of her hair.

Lorelai woke with a start, her cheeks wet with tears. The images of the little girl in the dream, a girl with hair like Rory's and bright blue eyes but with Luke's seriousness and intensity, dancing with her father, her little feet on top of his shoes. The living room had been strewn with toys and books, but where had she been? It had felt wrong somehow. Lorelai knew it was just a dream, but it bothered her that she wasn't a part of the picture: watching and laughing from the couch, coming home from work, something. She turned to look at Luke, biting her lip, and slipped out of bed, careful to balance her weight on the stairs so they wouldn't creak and wake him. She picked up her keys and purse from the kitchen.

The only 24-hour pharmacy she knew of was all the way in Hartford. She hadn't gone there earlier in the week for the precise reason that she was sure she would see one of her parents' friends or God forbid, Jason. She started up the Jeep, grimacing as the engine turned over and backed out of the driveway. She glanced up at the house and sighed with relief when she didn't see lights in any of the windows.

_Wrong, wrong, wrong,_ her mind repeated over and over as she drove. _Not, not, not,_ she felt the tears prick her eyes and chided herself for being so silly. She couldn't talk herself into turning back around, however, couldn't talk herself into just waiting until her doctor's appointment so she could crawl back in bed with Luke, let him soothe her nerves until then. But Lorelai knew herself. She knew how it had been the first time and this felt nothing like that. It wasn't until she had gotten almost all the way to Hartford that she realized she was still in her pajamas and had just thrown on her coat over them. Chuckling at herself, she pulled into the parking lot, glad to see the glow of the pharmacy's lights. She grabbed the same brand of test she had bought before, a box of Pop-Tarts even though they were overpriced, and some leftover Easter candy. She had never felt so damn pitiful, but she shrugged it off and walked up to the counter, looking the older woman working the counter in the eye.

As she stepped back outside, letting the cool breeze of the early morning hit her cheeks, the distant ringing of her cell phone interrupted her almost manic train of thought.

"Hello?" She practically whispered as she climbed back in the Jeep.

"Lorelai?" Luke's voice seemed to choke out. "Where the hell are you? It's three in the morning, for God's sake!" He asked, his tone rising in anger. She cringed. This had been so, so stupid.

"I'm…oh Luke, I don't think I'm really--" And there they were again, the tears slipping down her cheeks. She sniffled. "I went to buy another test. I had a dream—and I don't know, it just feels…"

"Oh God, Lorelai. Just come home, now, please." He begged, his voice rough and ragged from sleep and—was he upset too? Lorelai nodded, trying to think, swallow, breathe, and talk all at the same time.

"Okay. Bye, Luke."

"Be careful."

Luke was at the door when she got home, pulling her into a tight hug. "Please don't ever…I thought something had happened to you." He whispered and she nodded, still cradled against him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She murmured as the green numbers of the clock on the microwave glowed at her. It was a little past 4. She could only imagine what Luke must have been thinking the past hour or so, what scenarios had been running through his head, and it killed her that she had done that to him. "I'm not going anywhere, Luke."

He rubbed her shoulders with his hands, one coming up to cup her face, fingering one of her curls.

"I love you." A slow smile spread across Lorelai's face.

"You do?" Luke nodded, giving her that look he usually reserved for when she was doing something crazy. She smiled again, stepped into him and pressed her lips to his. His hands slipped around her waist, his fingers rubbing circles on her back. The constriction in her chest was gone and it was replaced by a warm, almost giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She was safe.

"I love you too," she whispered as they broke apart. Luke's body seemed to relax and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Neither of them said anything for a minute, enjoying the moment before they were brought back to the real world.

"Do you want to do this now?" Luke asked, picking up the bag from the floor. Lorelai didn't think it was possible for her emotions to change so quickly in the past five minutes, but there she was again, going from feeling safe to feeling nervous and nauseous. She nodded as he put his hand in hers and led her upstairs.

"Luke?" Lorelai was fidgety and he tore his eyes away from the timer. "This is probably not the best time…but we haven't really talked about things."

"About? Oh, yeah."

"I mean we have before, just not since…all this happened." She put a hand on his knee. But at the same time she asked, she knew. He would marry her, in a heartbeat. He would insist it wasn't because of the baby (it physically pained Lorelai to think that word so soon in their relationship) but because he loved her and for her to shut up and let him do this. And there would be a wedding. Or maybe they would just elope. Lorelai almost wants to laugh, imagining how furious Rory would be. Ok, so there would a wedding: with Liz, TJ and maybe Jess as well as Luke's crazy aunt with the bird and his cousins his dad put through college. Aunts and uncles who would tell Lorelai stories about Luke when he was little…

Lorelai focused back on Luke, even though her attention is riveted on any sound from the bathroom. She is still overwhelmed by how strong he's been for her.

"Yeah, I know. We will. We can." Ding. They both looked towards the bathroom. Lorelai stood up slowly. Luke could see her hands shaking as she smoothed them on her sweatpants. He stood as well, putting his arm around her as they went into the bathroom. He picked up the test and handed it to her.

"It's….negative." Lorelai said simply, stepping out of his grasp as she threw the test in the trash so hard it bounced. She sat down on the edge of the tub and let out a choked sob. "God damn it!" She kicked at the bathmat.

"Hey," Luke soothed. He knelt in front of her, pushing back her hair as he cupped her face and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"I feel so silly. I wasn't happy when I thought—so why am I not….It shouldn't be this hard." Luke nodded, understanding. The act was pretty simple, he considered ironically, but the emotional havoc it wreaked certainly wasn't. Not for it to turn out like this. He felt like he had been jerked in so many different directions in the past few days—panic when he thought he was going to be a father, hurt when Lorelai hadn't seemed to want this child (child to be? He didn't know what to call it.) And just a little while ago, it had been worry and fear when he awoke to find Lorelai's side of the bed empty, when he had called out to her and no one had answered back, when he had gone outside to see the Jeep gone. And now, the potential had worn them both down. The past couple days, whenever he had glanced at Lorelai, he had noticed how tired she looked, the serious look she'd worn, instead of her eyes twinkling and bright like they usually were.

He squeezed Lorelai's knee, but she didn't acknowledge him. He sat and placed his head in her lap, letting her sort through her feelings as he shut his eyes and tried to sort through his own.

Lorelai's brushed her fingers through his hair a few minutes later and he looked up at her. "Let's go to bed," she whispered. "Please."

Luke took her hand and pulled her up, turning off the lights in the bathroom as they crossed the hallway into the darkened room. Lorelai slipped under the covers and turned away from Luke, who simply scooted closer and slipped his arm around her waist.

Before he drifted off, he felt Lorelai's hand on top of his own.

The doctor's appointment is marked in her planner (which she has resolved to use more often) just to be 100 sure. She's on the phone with Rory talking about her week, careful to leave out any mention of tests or driving to another town at all hours of the night.

"Well to celebrate my 36th birthday I thought I'd do a little something different this year."

"Finally! What did you decide to do?"

"I'm going to, for the first time, live with a man!"

Rory gasped. "No!"

"Yes!"

"Oh mom, that's so great! When did this happen?"

"Mmm, Monday, I think. It's this whole big long story involving Taylor and the Twickham house—hey, sweetie, can I call you right back?"

"Is Luke there? Cause I want to hear the story," Rory whined.

"You will. I'll just be a couple minutes. And no Luke's not here, so erase those vile images in your head."

"Ew," Rory replied but hung up.

"I don't believe it." She said to no one in particular as she entered her bathroom. When she returned, she crossed out the doctor's appointment and dialed.

"Hey Luke? Yeah, I'm fine. I was just calling to say you don't have to worry about the appointment next week 'cause there's not going to be one."

"What do you mean there's—oh okay."

"Yeah. I got my period," she said quietly.

"Are you okay?"

She sighed. "I will be." Once she was sure she had convinced him that she was perfectly fine to work and rejected his offer to come over to his apartment so he could be at her beck and call all day (although it was tempting), she called her daughter back and told her the whole story.

Work kept her busy so she didn't have a lot of time to focus on everything that had happened but it helped that at a little before five, a certain flannel clad man showed up in her doorway. "Hey you," she smiled, glancing up from her computer. He enveloped her in a hug and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you," she whispered.

He nodded at her and smiled. "Let's go home."

_Home_, she thought a little later on as she sat on the couch, waiting for Luke to bring her a mug of tea. She smiled at the boxes piled in the corner of the living room and at the foot of the stairs. She knew there were more upstairs in the bedroom and even a few out in the garage.

"I like this," she commented as he came in the room, sitting down by her on the couch as she tucked her feet under his legs.

"What?"

"This. You being here." She gestured to the boxes in the corners. "Your stuff is with my stuff now. I mean, we'll have to do some rearranging and some reorganizing, but we can do that together. It'll be fun."

He chuckled at that, lacing his fingers through hers as he surveyed the boxes and nodded. "I like it too."

Luke fell asleep on the couch near the end of _The Daily Show_ but Lorelai was wide awake. She walked over to one of his boxes and opened the flaps. She realized she had lucked out and gotten one of the boxes with Luke's books and other knick knacks. She sorted through the titles, placing them on one of the lower shelves with her own meager stack. Rory had enough books for the three of them anyways. At the bottom of the box she found what looked like a photo album. She opened it and gasped at the flowing penmanship inside. It was his baby book. Or a makeshift baby book in this case. His first smile, laugh, steps, word, were all diligently recorded in his mother's handwriting. There were several random pictures stuck on several of the pages and Lorelai had to stifle her laughter. After she was done, she shut the book, placing it on the shelf with the photo albums of Rory and herself. Luke stirred about then and looked up at Lorelai standing over by the bookshelves.

"What are you doing? What time is it?" He blinked against the light. Lorelai crossed to him, turning off the TV and tried to pull him up off the couch. He followed her the short distance across the room and she smiled at the shelf in front of them. "That's yours. Or ours, I guess."

"You unpacked one of my boxes," he replied slowly, suddenly awake.

"Yeah," she nodded, slipping an arm around him. "Your books are down there with mine and your photo albums and stuff can go up there with mine too." She smiled at him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered. He glanced at his watch and pulled her close, giving her a long kiss.

"What was that for?" Her eyes twinkled up at him and rested her hands on his chest.

"It's midnight. Happy birthday," he smiled back down at her. She glanced at the clock in surprise.

"Are you my present?" She teased, turning back towards him.

"Mmm," Luke pretended to think. She hit his chest playfully. "Okay, okay. You can take me upstairs and have your way with me."

Lorelai laughed. "I'd rather have you remember. Let's get you to bed, stud."


End file.
